My response to her...
Ha... I guess I was a little down yesterday when I wrote that.
The job is the hardest thing I've done in a long time. I'm use to being an independent agent, and not second guessing everything that I do or don't do. I'm use to representing just myself... But now I represent much more than just me. I am part of a new structure that should bring systemic change. I need to remember how I felt as one of the first CTIPS and how I felt stressed at that initiative... Maybe it's really the same, but I'm not sure. There are similarities. I see things that amaze me and then I see things that sadden me... And I don't always know how to be a positive influence. Because I've been out of the classroom for a while, I have insecurities that I didn't have back in the early CTIP days. In addition... because I've been doing so many jobs and have combination years of experience, I know people and have insights into systemic issues and understand behind the scenes stuff almost too well... Which also stresses me because I’m not necessarily in a place that I can be effective in the way I’d like to be. I want to just fix things and I can’t!! When I take care of things that I do know how to do or address issues... I am sometimes stepping on other folks' jobs or roles or I'm afraid I am. Many messy roles and situations in schools right now and it's hard to know what to do at times in this role as a coach. AND the worst of all...I'm use to people knowing me and feeling comfortable with me... And welcoming me into their meetings, not closing doors, for fear I will come in... I have to worry about perceptions and first impressions, and what I say, do, don't say, don't do... Etc. etc.
But, the absolute best thing is that I get to see AMAZING things happening in classrooms and LEARN LEARN LEARN.
So..The job is definitely becoming better, but I'm still stressing over parts of it as you can tell.. I guess if I was just out of the classroom like Matt, I would really enjoy the flexibility and the freedom. But I've had that part within one building and so the driving and rushing from one meeting to another actually makes me crave the stability of a classroom and students of my own. :) Please appreciate the autonomy that you have in your room and feel blessed to have a compatible team.
I'm sure all of my stress is just real growing pains. I'm getting to know completely different schools than WES, and I'm also working closely with an amazing team of coaches, but we are completely different people as well... So we are learning how to collaborate, differ, complement, and compromise.
Wow... Aren't you sorry you asked?!! Thanks for reading.
Janelle
The job is the hardest thing I've done in a long time. I'm use to being an independent agent, and not second guessing everything that I do or don't do. I'm use to representing just myself... But now I represent much more than just me. I am part of a new structure that should bring systemic change. I need to remember how I felt as one of the first CTIPS and how I felt stressed at that initiative... Maybe it's really the same, but I'm not sure. There are similarities. I see things that amaze me and then I see things that sadden me... And I don't always know how to be a positive influence. Because I've been out of the classroom for a while, I have insecurities that I didn't have back in the early CTIP days. In addition... because I've been doing so many jobs and have combination years of experience, I know people and have insights into systemic issues and understand behind the scenes stuff almost too well... Which also stresses me because I’m not necessarily in a place that I can be effective in the way I’d like to be. I want to just fix things and I can’t!! When I take care of things that I do know how to do or address issues... I am sometimes stepping on other folks' jobs or roles or I'm afraid I am. Many messy roles and situations in schools right now and it's hard to know what to do at times in this role as a coach. AND the worst of all...I'm use to people knowing me and feeling comfortable with me... And welcoming me into their meetings, not closing doors, for fear I will come in... I have to worry about perceptions and first impressions, and what I say, do, don't say, don't do... Etc. etc.
But, the absolute best thing is that I get to see AMAZING things happening in classrooms and LEARN LEARN LEARN.
So..The job is definitely becoming better, but I'm still stressing over parts of it as you can tell.. I guess if I was just out of the classroom like Matt, I would really enjoy the flexibility and the freedom. But I've had that part within one building and so the driving and rushing from one meeting to another actually makes me crave the stability of a classroom and students of my own. :) Please appreciate the autonomy that you have in your room and feel blessed to have a compatible team.
I'm sure all of my stress is just real growing pains. I'm getting to know completely different schools than WES, and I'm also working closely with an amazing team of coaches, but we are completely different people as well... So we are learning how to collaborate, differ, complement, and compromise.
Wow... Aren't you sorry you asked?!! Thanks for reading.
Janelle
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